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Saturday, August 27, 2011

This week on... TCM (August 28 - ??)


The weather outside is frightful, so why not ride out the rest of the hurricane indoors with Ben Mankiewicz and the TCM team? Lights are flickering a lot, so I'll just post the first half and edit this later to include the beginning of September.

Sunday, August 28, 2011 (CAROLE LOMBARD)
To Be Or Not To Be (1942) 6:15 PM
My Man Godfrey (1936) 8:00 PM - A highly rated comedy starring real-life couple William Powell and Carole Lombard in which an aristocrat is mistaken for a forgotten man. I can only take so much Carole Lombard, though..
Mr. And Mrs. Smith (1941) 1:00 AM - This Hitchcock movie has nothing to do with that Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie movie. At all.

Monday, August 29, 2011 (ANNE FRANCIS aka Honey West, who died earlier this year)
Funny Girl (1968) 5:00 PM
Blackboard Jungle (1955) 8:00 PM - My Mom recommends this movie about hoodlums.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011 (HOWARD KEEL)
Lovely To Look At (1952) 12:30 PM - The Roberta remake
Annie Get Your Gun (1950) 4:30 PM - Except for that ONE song, this is a fun musical!
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 9:30 PM - Bless yore beautiful hide! I only recently discovered that my favorite bride, Dorcas, was played by Julie Newmar!

Here's the TCM September 2011 schedule as I've seen it..

Friday, September 2, 2011
To Sir With Love (1967) 6:30 AM - You know you're a pretty great teacher if Lulu sings a song about you! Possibly Sidney Poitier's best movie, and that's saying something since he's pretty great!
Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid (1948) 8:00 PM - This sounds like Splash starring William Powell and Ann Blyth.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

'I'm hep, daddy-o. I'm into the Ramones!'



The Ramones might not have cared about history (it just wasn't where they wanted to be), but they made it in August 1979 when they exploded on to the big screen with the cult favorite, Rock 'N' Roll High School [2]. The Queens, New York-based band shared screen time with PJ Soles (Carrie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble), Vince Van Patten, and Clint Howard in this apocalyptic teen comedy.

The premise is an easy A: PJ Soles is Riff Randell, typical Ramones-obsessed teen who ditches school to secure a ticket for the Ramones concert. But when her tickets are confiscated by Vince Lombardi High's newest and nastiest principal, Miss Togar, she has to find a replacement. Proving once and for all that teachers and parents just don't get it, an auditorium of concerned authority figures rile up the student body with a massive record burning that must have been more painful to endure than a teenage lobotomy. But, don't worry, the PTA gets it in the end! What results is a fun-fun (oh ba-by!) teen comedy for the ages that should send everyone Gabba Gabba Hey-ing all the way to the cineplex. It's a blast, literally!

Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, and Tommy pack their soundtrack with some of their best and most memorable songs, though there are quite a few non-Ramone contributions (Fleetwood Mac?!). The best movie scenes are the ones that actually feature the red-hot rockers. In a sequence that is surely every teen girl's fantasy (?), Joey serenades a barely-dressed Riff with 'I Want You Arou-ound.' Later, the quartet bursts on the scene with their lamentation, 'I Just Wanna Have Something To Do' (Might I suggest having some chicken vindaloo?).

Rock 'N' Roll High School Forever was the 1991 bomb of a sequel starring Corey Feldman and a handful of lesser California punk icons. I mean, who would choose Mojo Nixon over Joey Ramone??

Saturday, August 20, 2011

This week on... TCM (August 21 -27)

A month just isn't enough for TCM's Summer Under The Stars series. If only it could be expanded to June through August! This month has been a real joy, and TCM did a stellar job with their twenty-four hours of thirty-one stars challenge!

Sunday, August 21, 2011 (CARY GRANT)
My Favorite Wife (1940) 9:00 AM - 'A shipwrecked woman is rescued just in time for her husband's re-marriage.' Another Irene Dunne romantic comedy!
The Bachelor And The Bobby Soxer (1940) 10:30 AM
The Philadelphia Story (1940) 3:30 PM - Most comedies from 1940 were about women remarrying Cary Grant, in fact!
North By Northwest (1959) 5:30 PM
Gunga Din (1939) 8:00 PM
Only Angels Have Wings (1939) 10:15 PM - 'A team of flyers risks their lives to deliver the mail in a mountainous South American country.' I'm told by a Tales Of The Gold Monkey expert that this was one of the major influences to the underappreciated series!
Bringing Up Baby (1938) 4:15 AM - Most comedies from 1938 were about Cary Grant and leopards!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 (CONRAD VEIDT)
Whistling In The Dark (1941) 2:45 PM - 'A radio detective is kidnapped and forced to plan the perfect murder.' With Red Skelton and Ann Rutherford
The Hands Of Orlac (1925) 8:00 PM - 'An experimental graft gives an injured concert pianist the hands of a murderer.'
Casablanca (1942) 11:45 PM
Nazi Agent (1942) 1:45 AM - 'An Allied sympathizer discovers his twin brother is a Nazi spy.' Directed by Jules Dassin.
The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari (1919) 3:15 AM - 'A carnival performer uses a hypnotized sleepwalker to murder his enemies.' Oooh!
Dark Journey (1937) 4:30 AM - 'Rival spies fall in love during World War I.' With Vivien Leigh

Wednesday, August 24, 2011 (JOAN BLONDELL)
Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933) 2:45 PM - 'Three chorus girls fight to keep their show going and find rich husbands.' Ruby Keeler and Dick Powell. This is the Gold Diggers that has Ginger Rodgers' 'We're In The Money' number. I generally found this one to be better than the later Gold Diggers movies, but it's the 1935 edition that has Busby's brilliant fifteen minute 'Lullaby Of Broadway' spectacle.
Footlight Parade (1933) 4:30 PM
Dames (1934) 9:15 PM - The last in the series of Busby Berkeley movies!
Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (1957) 2:30 AM - 'A lowly adman tries to better his lot by courting a glamorous Hollywood star.' That's quite a cast with Tony Randall, Jayne Mansfield, and Betsy Drake! Factoid: About 20 years later, Joan Blondell's character in Grease has the same name!

Thursday, August 25, 2011 (BURT LANCASTER)
The Leopard (1963) 8:00 PM - This movie is filled with beautiful people, namely the gorgeous Alain Delon.. also Claudia Cardinale. Directed by Luchino Visconti.
The Killers (1946) 11:30 PM - 'An insurance investigator uncovers a string of crimes when he tries to find a murdered boxer's beneficiary.' This movie, co-starring Ava Gardner and Edmond O'Brien, is Burt Lancaster's first movie.
Scorpio (1973) 3:45 AM - Burt Lancaster works with Alain Delon again!

[Unfortunately, TCM didn't schedule his BEST movie, Judgment At Nuremberg -- HIGHLY recommended]

Friday, August 26, 2011 (PETER LAWFORD)
It Happened In Brooklyn (1947) 6:00 PM - The song's gotta come from the heart!
Good News (1947) 8:00 PM
It Should Happen To You (1954) 10:00 PM - Kind of a silly romantic comedy with Judy Holliday, but Jack Lemmon is always so good.
Salt And Pepper (1968) 11:45 PM - Co-stars Sammy Davis, Jr

Saturday, August 27, 2011 (LINDA DARNELL)
Fallen Angel (1945) 6:00 PM - 'A man is accused of killing a waitress he had tried to seduce with his wife's money.' It's Otto Preminger so it oughtta be pretty good. Oh, and Dana Andrews stars.
A Letter To Three Wives (1948) 8:00 PM
Hangover Square (1945) 11:30 PM - 'A composer who can't control his creative temperament turns to murder.' This sounds like EVERY George Sanders movie!

Happy viewing!

Eau d'Orson

[Note: I am by no means a film student or critic, and I certainly am not a Wellesian expert. These are the inexperienced impressions of a fairly new Orson Welles fan.]

Orson Welles [2] has the reputation of being one of the earliest American auteurs known for elevating his films to an artform. It's almost inconceivable that his ultra modern camera techniques, which have retained a startling freshness that hasn't diminished with age, first graced theater screens almost seventy years ago. His innovative camera work stands out as his cinematic signature: endless long-distance shots, daring single-shot pans, and light trickery.

Welles populates his world with smugglers of illegal goods, black mailers, crooked cops, murderers, and immoral men of importance who will stop at nothing to get ahead. His aren't your average b-movie baddies. Even the beautiful women are neither the typical two-faced seductresses nor the helpless dames of the noir genre. There's a fragility that the hardened femme fatale eschews tempered with a worldliness to which truly distressed damsels cannot relate. And, of course, there are the innocent men who collide with these characters, and stumble away, dazed, by the stingle of madness. Welles' characters regularly toe the line between humanity and insanity. Perversity lurks behind many a thin veil of prosthetics, masks, and facial hair, just barely concealing the character's lunacy.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace


[clockwise from top left: Matt Holness as Garth Marenghi as Dr. Rick Dagless; Richard Ayoade as Dean Learner as Thornton Reed; Alice Lowe as Madeleine Wool as Dr. Liz Asher; and Matt Berry as Todd Rivers as Dr. Lucien Sanchez. Confused??]

Fans of those lovable misfits in the basement at Reynholm Industries (The IT Crowd) will want to direct their attention to Richard Ayoade's earlier series, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace [2]. In this series-within-a-series, real-life actor Matt Holness plays Garth Marenghi, an extremely prolific horror writer who has, by his own admission, written more books than he has actually read. Marenghi was too much of a dream weaver to be bound to the written page and was commissioned by the UK Channel 4 to create a television program based on his popular tales of the strange and the macabre. He set his supernatural medical drama in a doomed hospital called Darkplace and called on the (lack of) talents of his literary agent, Dean Learner (played by Richard Ayoade), and the actors Todd Rivers (Matt Berry) and Madeleine Wool (Alice Lowe). The resulting series is a masterpiece with all the hallmarks of a typical action-drama from the 1980s, including slow-motion action sequences (special effects thanks to deanamatronix!) and cheesy electronic music ('based on melodies originally whistled by Garth Marenghi'!). Not to mention the terrible, terrible acting and ridiculous plots! The inside story goes that the series was so controversial and outre when it was first produced in the 1980s, that Channel 4 locked it up in its vaults. Twenty years after its production, the channel was finally brave enough (read: ran out of better programs) to air the series, and they quickly cobbled together a few talking heads of the living actors to complement the six unaired episodes. I don't want to spoil the plots or comment on the backstory any further. I know that it seems like a convoluted premise for a comedy series, but it pays off in many respects. Though it doesn't have much in common plot- or production-wise with one of my favorite American comedies of the past decade, Arrested Development, I feel that the two shows share a densely layered vision that is truly glorious when considered in its entirety.

Unfortunately, despite a few laps on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block, the show hasn't seen much interest in the U.S. The existing DVD package is Region 2 PAL, and there doesn't seem to be much hope that any further package will be released soon. Interested viewers must either hope to catch episodes on late night Adult Swim or turn to YouTube to get a taste of this underappreciated comedy. Until it's next turn on Adult Swim, here is a playlist of the six episodes on YouTube:

[most uploaded by Mondonitis]
Once Upon A Beginning (episode 1) - part one, two, three [thanks to Flea01]
Hell Hath No Fury (episode 2) - complete episode
Skipper The Eyechild (episode 3) - part one, two, three
The Apes Of Wrath (episode 4) - part one, two, three
Scotch Mist (episode 5) - part one, two, three
The Creeping Moss from the Shores of Shuggoth (episode 6) - part one, two, three
Select DVD extras [thanks to carthagefield]

A bit of Garth Marenghi fun is that any interviews or promotions that Richard Ayoade and Matt Holness did for the show were done in character. For the purposes of Darkplace, Holness and Ayoade don't even exist. There was even a sort of spin-off show called Man To Man With Dean Learner. Richard Ayoade reprised his character for this celebrity interview show complete with clips of fictitious movies and television shows. Matt Holness portrayed all the guests, including one appearance by Garth Marenghi himself! Each guest is creepier than the last, and, while the show isn't quite as funny as Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, it would be nice for Adult Swim to pick this one up as well. Unfortunately, YouTube doesn't appear to have any full episodes of the show at the moment.


[Richard Ayoade as Saboo on The Mighty Boosh]

There are quite a few familiar faces on a small handful of superb British comedies of the past decade. Richard Ayoade has been one of the most sought actors. He doesn't only star on the aforementioned Garth Marenghi's Darkplace; Man To Man With Dean Learner; and The IT Crowd. He also voiced the nefarious Dixon Bainbridge in the original Mighty Boosh radio show. The character only showed up on the first series of the television production, and Ayoade handed the role over to Matt Berry (also seen as Douglas Reynholm beginning on the second series of The IT Crowd). Richard made a few appearances on The Mighty Boosh, though, as the shaman Saboo. He also made some amusing appearances on various satirical Chris Morris (Denholm Reynholm), Armando Iannucci, and Charlie Brooker projects.


[The Mighty Boosh's Julian Barratt on Garth Marenghi's Darkplace]

The Mighty Boosh will require an eventual post of its own, but, for now, I will say it consists of the mod wolf, Noel Fielding (Richmond of The IT Crowd), and his jazz-loving compadre, Julian Barratt (seen above as Darkplace's priest). The Boosh is wild by comparison to both Garth Marenghi's Darkplace and The IT Crowd and may defy description. All three series of the Boosh are available in the US, and I encourage its viewing.

Other Garth Marenghi links:
Official Garth Marenghi website
Channel 4's program site

Sunday, August 14, 2011

This week on... TCM (August 14 - 20)

TCM's Summer Under The Stars series has been so wonderful that I'm sorry to see this week will mark the half-way point! So far, the highlight for this movie fan was last Monday's Orson Welles marathon when I watched an unprecedented twelve hours' worth of his movies. (More on cinematic behemoth Orson Welles in my next post!) It looks like this week promises some great escapes! Here are some of my recommendations (check your local listings for the latest schedule).

Sunday, August 14, 2011 (RALPH BELLAMY)
His Girl Friday (1940) 8:00 PM
The Awful Truth (1937) 9:45 PM - The awful truth is this is one of my favorite Cary Grant movies!
The Narrow Corner (1933) 2:00 AM - 'A man on the run for murder tries to escape fate in the Pacific islands.' Another attempt to satisfy my desire for more Tales of the Gold Monkey.
West Of Hollywood (1931) 4:30 AM - 'A millionaire doesn't remember getting married but can't forget how much he hates his new wife.'

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 (JOANNE WOODWARD)
Paris Blues (1961) 9:45 AM - Despite the fact that this is Joanne Woodward's day, it's a good way to get caught up on the Paul Newman movies, too!
The Drowning Pool (1975) 4:00 AM - Here's a later movie she made with her husband.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 (HUMPHREY BOGART)
To Have And Have Not (1944) 11:00 AM - One of Bogart's best (after this blog's namesake, The Maltese Falcon, of course). And you don't even need to know how to whistle!
The Big Sleep (1946) 12:45 PM - You can't ever go wrong with Chandler!
They Drive By Night (1940) 4:30 PM - 'Truck driving brothers are framed for murder by a lady psycho.' A lady psycho!?!
In A Lonely Place (1950) 6:15 PM - 'An aspiring actress begins to suspect that her temperamental boyfriend is a murderer.' There was a time when I thought Gloria Grahame's best role was Ado Annie (and Rod Steiger's was Jud Fry). I cain't believe they were in other sorts of movies!
The Maltese Falcon (1941) 8:00 PM - This is the best movie ever made. It's an adaptation of one of the best books ever written. No arguments! I won't hear it.

Thursday, August 18, 2011 (JEAN GABIN)
Pepe Le Moko (1941) 8:00 PM - I've wanted to see this for a long time.

Friday, August 19, 2011 (DEBBIE REYNOLDS)
The Gazebo (1959) 8:00 PM - 'A suburban couple tries to cope with a murder victim whose body refuses to stay put.' This sounds a bit like a FUNNY version A Slight Case Of Murder but with Carl Reiner instead of Edward G. Robinson!
The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964) 10:00 PM - That sounds like a challenge!
Divorce American Style (1967) 12:15 AM - Co-starring Dick Van Dyke!
Singin' In The Rain (1952) 2:15 AM - You can't have Debbie Reynolds without this movie. She's the cat's meow!

Saturday, August 20, 2011 (MONTGOMERY CLIFT)
Raintree County (1957) 6:00 AM - A tepid disappointment with a great cast, including Elizabeth Taylor and Eva Marie Saint, vying for Monty's affections. Unfortunately, this movie is known more for being the beginning of Clift's downward spiral. He incurred debilitating injuries after an off-set accident during the making of this movie, and he never recovered physically or mentally from them.
Lonelyhearts (1958) 9:00 AM - In this quality drama, Monty catches Myrna Loy's eye, and she gets him a job at her husband's newspaper as a lonelyhearts columnist.
The Big Lift (1950) 11:00 AM
Red River (1948) 1:00 PM - Montgomery Clift played opposite the Duke in one of his first big roles.
From Here To Eternity (1953) 3:30 PM - Clift plays a tormented GI on the eve of the attack on Pearl Harbor in this well-acted movie. Co-stars Burt Lancaster, Frank Sinatra, and Ernest Borgnine.
The Misfits (1961) 5:45 PM - An oddly-cast Western starring a trio of quickly descending stars: Clift, Marilyn Monroe, and Clark Gable.
A Place In The Sun (1951) 8:00 PM - The pinnacle of Montgomery Clift's career, in my opinion. At the least, this was the beginning of his lifelong friendship with Elizabeth Taylor, and there was never a more beautiful couple.
The Heiress (1949) 10:15 PM - Fans of a Jane Austenesque genre would probably enjoy this one.
The Search (1948) 12:15 AM - This was Clift's first big screen motion picture.
I Confess (1953) 2:15 AM - Montgomery Clift played a priest in this Hitchcock thriller.
The Defector (1966) 4:00 AM - The week wraps up with Clift's final movie. Also starring Roddy McDowall.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

This week on... TCM (Aug 7 - 13)

Hope you're all enjoying TCM's Summer Under The Stars series! I saw more movies this past week than I had the entire summer! The upcoming week is really jam-packed full of fun and brilliant movies. Note: the schedule I consulted to piece together my recommendations/personal viewing list might be incorrect now. I have Ralph Bellamy as Sunday's star, but according to commercials airing on TCM, Sunday might actually be Charles Laughton (including The Hunchback of Notre Dame at 8:00 PM). This is why you should always double check the site or look at your cable/satellite's tv guide for up-to-the-minute programming! I'm going to post according to the list I consulted. Anyway, my recommendations aren't obsolete even if the scheduling is slightly off!

Sunday, August 7, 2011 (RALPH BELLAMY)
Carefree (1938) 6:00 AM - A Freud and Ginger movie with Astaire playing a hypnotizing psychoanalyst. This is the strangest work of their pairing, but it's worth watching this oddball just for Ginger's surreal dream sequence!
His Girl Friday (1940) 8:00 PM - Cary Grant matches wits with Rosalind Russell
The Awful Truth (1937) 9:45 PM - If this is really scheduled, it's a must-watch. Ralph Bellamy plays a yokely midwestern millionaire trying to help the newly-divorced Irene Dunne forget married life with Cary Grant. Easier said than Dunne! One of the most delightful Cary Grant comedies I've ever seen (and that's really saying something!), and it also stars everyone's favorite cinematic pooch, Asta.
The Narrow Corner (1933) 2:00 AM - 'A man on the run for murder tries to escape fate in the Pacific islands.' Still looking to fill the void left by Tales of the Gold Monkey.
West Of Hollywood (1931) 4:30 AM - 'A millionaire doesn't remember getting married but can't forget how much he hates his new wife.'

Monday, August 8, 2011 (ORSON WELLES -- This is the best day of the entire Summer Under The Stars series! I can't wait!!!)
Trent's Last Case (1952) 4:30 PM
Mr. Arkadian (1962) 6:15 PM - 'A private eye investigates a millionaire's mysterious past before a murderer can get to the witnesses.'
The Third Man (1949) 8:00 PM - Exciting movie #1! I can practically hear the zithers right now!!!
Citizen Kane (1941) 10:00 PM
Touch Of Evil (1958) 12:15 AM - Exciting movie #2! Charleston Heston is a Mexican narcotics agent who gets mixed up in a dangerous case made more complicated by a crooked cop (Welles). With Janet Leigh as Heston's wife. This is a cinematic treat!
The Lady From Shanghai (1948) 2:00 AM - Exciting movie #3! Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles clash over the Lady From Shanghai (Rita Hayworth). While Orson Welles was allegedly unhappy with aspects of this film, the fun house scene is considered one of the finest of the genre. This and The Third Man are my picks for the evening (although, Touch Of Evil isn't far behind!)
F For Fake (1977) 4:00 AM - 'Director Orson Welles examines the career of a notorious art forger.'

Tuesday, August 9, 2011 (ANN DVORAK)
Three On A Match (1932) 9:45 PM - 'A woman's childhood friends try to rescue her from gangsters.' A great cast with Joan Blondell and the inimitable Bette Davis.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011 (SHIRLEY MACLAINE)
Irma La Douce (1963) 2:00 PM - I thought this Jack Lemmon / Shirley MacLaine movie about a down-and-out gendarme and his (ex-) streetwalker girlfriend was kind of cute...
The Apartment (1960) 8:00 PM - ...so much so that I'm going to finally watch Wilder's beloved classic The Apartment that features the same pair (plus Fred MacMurray).
Some Came Running (1958) 10:30 PM - 'A veteran returns home to deal with family secrets and small-town scandals.' A popular plot. Directed by Vincente Minnelli and starring Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.

Thursday, August 11, 2011 (BEN JOHNSON)
The Last Picture Show (1971) 1:15 AM - One of those 1970s movies that has a large cast of actors before they became very famous.

Friday, August 12, 2011 (CLAUDETTE COLBERT)
Midnight (1939) 8:00 PM - 'An unemployed showgirl poses as Hungarian royalty to infiltrate Parisian society.'
It Happened One Night (1934) 11:30 PM - You can never go wrong with this Frank Capra winner.
Since You Went Away (1944) 1:30 AM - 'A mother and wife struggle to cope while her husband is off serving in World War II.' With Jennifer Jones and Joseph Cotten

Saturday, August 13, 2011 (JIMMY STEWART)
Vivacious Lady (1937) 12:45 PM - My favorite Jimmy Stewart comedy! Professor Stewart brings home his new wife, a nightclub singer (Ginger Rogers), to meet his conservative family.
Bell, Book And Candle (1959) 4:15 PM
Anatomy Of A Murder (1959) 12:00 AM - Great courtroom thriller with a cool jazzy Duke Ellington soundtrack
The Murder Man (1935) 2:45 AM - 'A hard-drinking reporter specializes in murder cases, until he becomes a suspect in one himself.' With Spencer Tracy and Virginia Bruce.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Whatever Happened To Pudding Pops?



Pop Culture Encyclopedias

X-TINCTION RATING: Revised and revived.

Revised and revived by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper and Brian Bellmont's new book Whatever Happened to Pudding Pops?: The Lost Toys, Tastes & Trends of the '70s & '80s (Perigee Books, 2011).

My bookcase dips in the middle under the weight of my pop culture library. From the massive, all-inclusive ABBA To Zoom to the pocket-sized Guilty Pleasures and bridging the gap between the anecdotal, countercultural RetroHell [1970s-1980s] from the writers of the Ben Is Dead zine to the pseudo-intellectual snooze that is alt.culture [1990s], you would think that another paean to pop cultural memories would be as necessary as a new Planet of the Apes movie.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Brando-isms

I was inspired by some of Marlon Brando's words of wisdom during a few flicks from TCM's Summer Under The Stars schedule today. He coulda been a lawyer (or, at least, a politician)!


'Now, we got here in the state of Louisiana what's known as the Napoleonic code. You see, now according to that, what belongs to the wife belongs to the husband also, and vice versa... It looks to me like you've been swindled baby. And when you get swindled under Napoleonic code, I get swindled too and I don't like to get swindled.' (A Streetcar Named Desire)


'Hey, you wanna hear my philosophy of life? Do it to him before he does it to you.' (On The Waterfront)


'It is my understanding that the Constitution allows everybody the free choice
between cheesecake and strudel.' (Guys And Dolls)